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THE LIFE OF A WRITER (SHHH! DON'T TELL NORMAL PEOPLE)

2/27/2012

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It occurred to me this morning that we writers are not quite like other people. I'm not sure why it did. It just popped into my thoughts, out of the blue. I was sitting at my computer, trying to come up with a totally unique way of making a much-detested neighbor's body disappear, leaving no forensic evidence behind. And it occurred to me that most people probably don't spend minutes, hours—hell, DAYS—creating such scenarios in their heads. And I felt a little sad for them.

Yes, we're different.

For one thing, standing in line at the supermarket is not as boring for us as it is for "regular"  people. Those are not fellow customers in front of us, those are potential characters: villains, victims, little-buddy-sidekick-comic-relief, princesses to be rescued, dead bodies to be autopsied. It's probably best if they don't know this. It might creep them out.

And there are, of course, the cats.

There's no law or rule or How To Become An Author In Ten Easy Lessons book suggestion that writers should have cats. But more often than not, that's the way it works out. I'm not sure why. Maybe we admire their independence. Maybe we enjoy the air of mystery that frequently surrounds them. Maybe it's because we know that when we're deep into one of our everything is going right/brilliant words are pouring out/real world? what real world? bubbles of authorliness, and they get hungry, they won't be subtle about it. They'll crawl onto the keyboard, or start chewing on the pencil as we write, or reach up and get nose-to-nose with us with that "Feed me or die, you $!#& idiot human!" look. Yes, we are aware that if we (at least those of us who live sans other humans) had a puppy or a hamster or an iguana, it would starve to death.

We have slightly different priorities, we writers do. The main one being: Oh my god, I'm out of coffee!!!!! Does that no-coffee-in-the-house moment drive architects, short-order cooks, toll booth workers, kindergarten teachers, or nuclear physicists as totally batsh*t as it does a writer? I suspect not.

We can work around out-of-ink pens, file-eating computers, incessantly noisy jackhammers digging up our street, lack of sleep (see: jackhammers), cats wailing to be fed, kids doing the same thing, or Jehovah's Witnesses ringing the doorbell at the very second we finally grab on to the word that's been on the tip of our tongue all morning (and, whoosh!, it's gone again!), but do not mess with our coffee. And let's not even get into the chocolate thing.

Yes, we're different. And we wouldn't have it any other way. And neither would you. Where do you think your favorite novels come from, anyway? Normal people? Puh-leeze!







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WHO DO I WRITE FOR?

2/15/2012

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Who Do You Write For?

Sometimes people ask that, about your books, your blog posts, your web articles. But the question today was put forth regarding blogs.

So who do I write for?

People who feel we have something in common? Those who can relate to what I'm saying, see themselves in it?

And who would those just-like-me people be?

Coffee-addicted ... pizza-obsessed ... gargoyle-lovin' ... cat-worshiping (they demand it) ... science fiction fans who, if a Close-Encounters-like mothership came down and offered them a ride, wouldn't go, but if someone offered them the opportunity to BE Starbuck, they'd hop in her Viper and blast off ... those who believe that if you nuke microwave popcorn, once you open the bag it's your duty to finish off every last kernel ... who believe that to eat only one piece of chocolate is going against the Laws Of Nature ... whose computer is so rarely turned off, they forget where the button is ... who read the latest diatribes from Congress and get the urge to smack most of its members on the back of the head, à la NCIS' Leroy Jethro Gibbs ... who believe the world would be a much better place if every one of its 7 billion inhabitants had the opportunity to start their day at the LOL CATS Icanhascheezburger.com website ...

Those people. All 3 of them.

OR ...

People with a sense of humor, who love animals, books (reading them, maybe writing them, lining them up on their bookshelves JUST SO, or adding to that growing collection in their Kindle or Nook), and various cool TV series. And who are kind enough to put up with an occasional rant by a coffee-and-pizza-addicted gargoyle fan who hopes some of them will read her novel someday.

Yeah, THOSE people.

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    Author

    _East-coaster, writer of horror, sci-fi, and other genres. I knew that creepy childhood would come in handy someday. These days, life is covered in cat fur. Contact me at: GargoylePhanNB@gmail.com

    Re: Header...

    Zombie photo in header is by Randy Salgado. Check out his flickr page: https://www.flickr.com/photos/randychico/

    Also, here is the Flickr license page.

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