Just a short post to update Scully's the cat's health situation. Short, because it's almost 7 a.m. and I've been up almost all night (fell asleep for a couple hours during prime time, but awake since then). It's been a long few days and I've slept very little, and I wish the sun would not come up today. Once it does, the day begins, and I'll be taking Scully to the vet today to be put to sleep. I wish there was something else, some happy ending, but there isn't. She's done very well managing to eat since the tumor in her mouth began making it difficult. Not surprising -- she's always been tough and stubborn, and a big fan of eating. I suspect that Heaven for her will be a giant cat food factory, with her having furry opposable thumbs so she can open all the cans. This week was the first time she'd ever been allowed to eat as much as she wants, as often as she wants, and she took full advantage of it. For the first couple of weeks, anyway. But the last week, it got more physically difficult and her appetite waned, and every day has been a battle to get her to start eating. Until yesterday, it was exhausting to try and try and finally get her to take that first bite, but once she tasted the food, she gobbled up the plateful. Now she no longer wants it. And doesn't want me cajoling, enticing, or pleading with her. She just wants some peace.
I've been thinking about a lot of things today and tonight, and I remember several months ago when author Neil Gaiman ( @neilhimself ) was in the same situation. His beloved cat had been very sick and the day had come to let her have some peace. The night before, he sat up with her, not wanting to go to sleep because once he woke up, that awful day would begin. And maybe somehow it wouldn't, if he stayed awake. That's the way I recall what he wrote that night; I don't remember specifics. Of course, I had no idea then that I would be in the same position only a few months later. Scully had always been healthy and strong, and I could never have pictured her then as the frail little furry person she is right now. What a tough -- and, oh yes, stubborn as hell -- bugger she's always been.
And now she needs me to be tough for her -- to do her the kindness of letting her go.